Time in the Nar-Anon program gave me a false sense of security. Everyone told me what a great program I was working. I had accepted that I could not change my husband, but I still wanted to help. I still thought that I could be an integral part of the addict’s recovery. I started out small, a little help here, and a little help there, but I had my program behind me. I felt, “This time I’m okay, I know what I am doing, and I can handle it. This time is different.”
One evening I called home and the addict answered the phone. I knew within a few minutes that he had been using. I left work early and went home immediately to confront him. The confrontation soon became mutually physical. The addict attempted to leave by taking my car and I called the police. When the police arrived, we told our stories and we were both taken to jail.
At that time, I had been in the program a year and thought I had my reactions under control. I could have used any one of the many tools I learned in the program to avoid these consequences. I had a lot of time to think that night. I took what I believe was my first honest Step Ten; accepting that I was in that cell, not because of the addict, who was in the cell next to me, but because of my own insane actions and reactions. I was responsible for me.
Thought for Today: Recovery is a process. I may never be all better. I can learn to grow every day if I keep an honest, open and willing mind to new ways of doing things.“Help them to take failure, not as a measure of their worth, but as a chance for a new start.” ~ Book of Common Prayer