When I came to Nar-Anon, I felt life was unfair. Why did my husband have to be an addict? Don’t I deserve a normal, healthy family? This was my second marriage and I was determined to make it work. I thought if I were kind and giving, he would want to get better and act the same towards me. I gave with expectations. My giving and what I thought was love had strings attached. However, as my husband’s addiction progressed, I could no longer maintain the illusion of a loving, normal family or relationship. I worked so hard at hiding his addiction, and trying to cure him, but both our behaviors became more and more bizarre and unhealthy. It was apparent that there was a problem, and it was not just him. When we finally broke up, I felt my world had fallen apart. I felt alone, a failure, discouraged, and wanted to isolate.
I had started attending Nar-Anon meetings before our divorce was final, and I continued afterwards. It became the only time I went out, except for work. After a year of program, I was asked to be a group service representative and I accepted, thinking it would be another night out, which I knew I needed. At my first area meeting when one of the officers announced she could no longer serve, I volunteered. This time the results were different. What I discovered is through Nar-Anon service work, I can carry the message of recovery as I experience it. I learn I can help others in a healthy and supportive way when I give freely.
Thought for Today: For me, giving back to the Nar-Anon fellowship is an expression of unconditional love and part of the healing process. When I give freely, without expectations, I help create a healing environment for others and myself.
“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” ~ Lao-Tzu