The addict in my life called and asked for a ride. I told her that I had an appointment and did not have the time. She asked if I could drop her off, and I agreed. When I saw my addicted loved one, I was immediately worried and I asked her if she ever thought about going to rehab – to which she replied, “No, I never do!” Okay, I had a slip, but instead of arguing I remembered my program and that her recovery is not my business.
However, this little display of concern seemed to make her panic. When I turned left instead of turning right, I reminded her that I had an appointment and she asked me to drop her off – not drop her off and take her back. She apologized and said she forgot. I wanted to scream “Forgot! I spoke to you less than ten minutes ago on the phone and you forgot!” I wanted to tell her how the drugs are really having an effect on her – and not a good one! Instead, I dropped her off and went on to my appointment.
While driving I began to think about how I would have reacted before I sought help in Nar-Anon. The addict is my drug. I needed to be helping her to make me feel better, when in fact it never does. Actually, I am destroying our relationship and hurting myself with my obsession to help. Just like an addict who takes drugs to feel better, the more I help, the more harm I do.
Thought for Today: I realize that my need to control the addict is my drug. Before Nar-Anon, this drug was killing me, but thanks to my program, I now can detach and release her with love, and for today, that is enough.“Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.” ~ Nar-Anon Blue Booklet