I came to Nar-Anon because someone I loved was out of control. My life had become out of control as well, but I had not been able to admit it. I was desperate for my life to be normal again. As I attended Nar-Anon meetings, I realized that I could not go back, I could only go forward. My initial goal was to get the addict clean so the rest of the family could be happy. I shared my story at meetings because if I said it enough times, I would find a way to fix them. I was hoping to find some magic key that would make the disease go away. I kept enabling and I was obsessed with the idea that I could straighten out the chaos. The insanity of this disease is that continually reasoning cancels out all the unreasonable and unbelievable things that happen. This could not be happening because it was not logical. I adapted to whatever my family threw at me. I was the crazy one because nothing seemed to bother any of them. I felt as though the disease of addiction tore my heart out and made me believe that I could live without it.
I realize that I can share things with my Nar-Anon group that I cannot share or admit to myself. I am finding that the only way to change my way of thinking is to say my thoughts out loud. I need to learn to separate the addict from the addiction. I need to get honest with myself and admit that I need help. I am finding that my Higher Power does not make me work on every part of my program all at once. I am given what I need to learn slowly, one day at a time. I am finding that addiction changes things. Yes, my life will never be the same, but now, because of the Nar-Anon program, it is going in a healthy direction. I am learning to enjoy life and be grateful just for today.
Thought for Today: By focusing on me, I am better able to focus on others. By being able to experience my feelings, by welcoming them instead of fearing them, I have been able to learn and grow. I can now be a friend or a listening ear to a newcomer who is in pain and hurting. I can share with them my experience, strength and hope and I can help them find the gift of serenity that was so freely given to me.
“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe