Lately, I want the luxury of being able to miss the addict. I want to think about her, her beautiful smile and infectious laugh. I want to be able to sit and laugh for hours on end with her. My wife is also having a hard time. She is pensive and sad. When I tell her that we have no control and that we need to turn this all over, she replies that she knows all of this, but she cannot seem to shake the loss. I know from past experience that if I try to control the addict, I will not be able to function in my own life. Last year there was an example. I started to attend Nar-Anon meetings because everything that I had attempted in an effort to change the addict had failed. I was out of control and had started to drop out of life. I came to realize through Nar-Anon, that I could not change the addict, and the only thing that I can change is the way I think about the addict and her addiction! I have started this year determined to get on with my own life.
I now realize that I have much to be grateful for today. We still have our oldest daughter and our grandson. Both of us have our health, family and friends. In the back of my mind – way, way back there – I do have hope that someday the addict will see the light and get clean. Today, I have hope that I will have the courage to deal with her absence and not have those dark days move back into my life.
When we begin recovery in Nar-Anon, we learn: Just for today, I will not let this destroy me. Just for today, I will try to do something that will bring me some type of joy – however small. Just for today, I will ask to know God’s will for me and for the power to carry it out.
Thought for Today: The message of Nar-Anon is “One Day at a Time.” I have learned the message! As one member shared last night, “I have no clue how I will react to something that the future will bring that might be devastating, I will live just for today.”
“Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery