Over two years ago, I gave the addict in my life an ultimatum to stop using or get out. He chose to leave. We divorced, not over his using but because when he left, he found another woman who enabled him in his addiction. At a Nar-Anon meeting, I shared with the group my latest stunt to hurt and get even with them.
My group is always understanding and non-judgmental. One member suggested that there are only two emotions, love and fear. When someone is acting in a loving way, their behavior and attitude is positive, and when someone is acting based on fear, their behavior is negative. It is interesting how I will hear something at a meeting and it will roll around in my head, finally sinking in three days later.
I thought about all the things that I had been doing raging at the addict, insulting the girlfriend, and belittling them both. I realized my rage resulted from my fear for the addict and for myself. I was afraid he was going to die and there was nothing I could do to stop it. My behavior toward the girlfriend was also fear-based. I was afraid because I could not control what she was doing and that her enabling him was harming him. In my sick mind, I thought if I could hurt her, she would go away. He could then get better and perhaps we would have a chance. I finally understood that my rage and insane behavior were negative and hurting us all.
Thought for Today: Addiction is a disease and a disease does not fear or love, it just is. I can choose my reactions.
“So much of what I call my co-dependency is fear and panic because I spent so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships.” ~ Anonymous