When I went to my first Nar-Anon meeting, I was confused and l was looking for answers. I did not know how much to do for the addict. I wanted to understand the difference between caretaking and care giving. I continued to attend meetings and I learned from the sharing and experiences of my fellow Nar-Anon members.
I am learning that one way of enabling is doing for the addict what she can do for herself. I decided that I would stop enabling her. I would ask myself each time I thought I was enabling her, if this was something that the addict was capable of doing for herself. Was I going to do something for her that will not help her growth?
Helping the addict to avoid the natural consequences of her action was another enabling action, so I made another change. As I made these important changes, I no longer tried to intervene when I saw that her using landed her in trouble.
I learned, as I continued going to meetings, that I could be flexible without becoming a doormat. To me, that meant I had choices, and I could change my mind when I felt it was necessary. This thought and this growth is comforting to me because it shows me I can control my life. I am making changes that are good for me.
I can help the addict when I think it is the right thing to do, and when I feel that I want to do it. I learned that I could love the addict without smothering her. It is nice to learn that I do not have to live with everybody I love, nor feel guilty when I am not doing for them what they can do for themselves.
Thought for Today: I wanted to know how much footwork I needed to do before I could turn the addict over to my Higher Power. What I finally came to understand is that I can let go and the answers that I am looking for will be here when I am ready to receive them.
“Sometimes the way is not clear. ….That is the time to stop, ask for guidance, and rest. That is the time to let go of fear. Wait. Feel the confusion and chaos, then let it go. The path will show itself. The next step shall be revealed.” ~ Melody Beattie