I am learning: Don’t get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.
When I lose it with anyone at work or at home, I am usually one of the above. As soon as I eat, calm down, rest, or make a phone call, my life gets more manageable. This is one of the many important concepts I heard as a newcomer.
I believe that sometimes the same thing applies to the addict. When she was in a rage over nothing, I would think it was my fault and I needed to do something to fix it. Now I think that maybe she was hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. However, I have also learned that she can take care of herself. So I ask the addict only one time how she feels, hoping she focuses on herself. If she does not respond, I remind myself that I cannot take care of the addict’s needs and I will find something else to do until she figures it out herself.
I thought for a long time that it was my job to take care of everything in the addict’s life. I thought I should work as much as I could to pay all the bills, come home, cook, and feed everyone. I would stay at home when I was not working. I thought that I did not need friends because they would get in my business or use up my valuable work time. Thanks to Nar-Anon, I am learning to take care of myself and understand that others can do the same.
Thought for Today: I know that I have to take care of myself and remember my limitations. It is okay to HALT when I am overwhelmed. If I do not take care of myself, who will?
‘‘Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention.” ~ Greg Anderson