One day I met my husband at his office. He looked terrible, clutching his stomach, shaking and crying with pain. I asked what was wrong. He said, “I’m not sure; I need to get some medicine.” I had seen him like this twice before. I was sure it was diabetes. Then the bombshell hit. He confessed that he had a heroin problem and was seeing a psychiatrist who has prescribed methadone. He was ill because he was all out. My husband continued on methadone for over a year and we lived in relative normality. Then slowly, subversively, things started getting wobbly. He was using again; anger, tears, and remorse. Then he went back on methadone, followed by a patch of excessive drinking, then heroin again, and on it went. This is the spiral, which I now know is not unusual in addiction. I became as sick as the user.
Finally, we both started going to meetings – him to Narcotics Anonymous and me to Nar-Anon. What a relief! I was not alone. There were people who understood. I remember feeling my anger and resentment lessen at my first meeting when I learned that addiction is a disease, like cancer or diabetes. I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it. Today I am grateful that I am married to an addict because I have been given the opportunity to explore my spiritual nature and move out of my comfort zones. I have taken a good look at who I am, what I want and where I am going. I am facing my past, my faults and my fears. I am becoming a better person, a happier person, and a more serene person. I am slowly but surely learning not to suppress my emotions and fears, but to release them and grow.
Thought for Today: I am grateful that I live with an addict in recovery because it keeps me from settling into complacency. Working my program gives me the opportunity to look at myself and grow.
“No longer forward nor behind I look in hope or fear. But, grateful, take the good I find, the best of now and here.” ~ John Greenleaf Whittier