Shortly after my son was born, his father was arrested for violence while under the influence of cocaine and alcohol. His bail and attorneys were expensive. We could not pay our monthly bills and had to file for bankruptcy. We worked part-time on top of full-time jobs to legally free him before and after he was convicted.
During our children’s growing up years, our family spent the weekends visiting the addict in prison. We had to wait in line, follow prison rules, and be searched, in order to visit him. We hoped that our visiting him would make his time go faster and easier. We thought it was important for our children to be with their father. I did not think to ask at what cost.
For almost twenty years in my denial and magical thinking, it never occurred to me that drug use was the issue. I had been thankful our family’s challenge was only a legal issue and not a serious illness. It also never occurred to me that drug use was an illness.
I learned that the life threatening disease of addiction plagued my family, and that my partner was a severe addict. With the help of Nar-Anon meetings, slogans, program calls, literature, sponsors, steps, conventions and service work in Nar-Anon, I slowly detached. I decided not to do prisons anymore. Even when, as a young adult, my son’s addiction took him to prison, I chose not to go there although I will always love him.
Thought for Today: Although it has been a tough concept for me to accept, detaching with love means that I focus on myself and my recovery rather than spending all my time worrying about the addict’s business. With this, serenity slowly returns to my life.
“If I put a small value on myself, I can rest assured the world will not raise my price.” ~ Unknown