I found that I was anxious, angry and out of control. The addicts in my life had become my main focus. I was lost most of the time in anger, resentment and self-doubt. I was consumed by sadness and hate. I kept track of all the hurt I was experiencing. Clearly, drugs seemed to have won.
I had fought the battle against addiction: I pointed out to my husband and son that they were doped up, that it was ruining our relationships and family and that I was tired of the lies and broken promises. I ranted about how this had gone on too long and I did not want it to happen anymore. I made sure they knew what losers they were becoming, how much they were hurting me, and how everything that was wrong would be right if they would only quit using drugs. I wanted them to do what I wanted. If they didn’t, I was not going to be happy! They didn’t and, sure enough, I was not happy.
I sought help from doctors and a therapist who referred me to Nar-Anon. I thought Nar-Anon was going to help me change the addicts. I had new hope! If I kept coming back, surely some wise member could tell me what to do to make them stop using. So I did come back and I did my best to apply the program.
Looking back, I see how the program worked as I worked it by changing me. What a relief! I have new hope. I no longer have to scream and holler.
Thought for Today: My focus is to detach my emotions from their disease of addiction. I know that I cannot control the disease or those affected by it, including myself. I can, however, decide to surrender and be free.
“When anger rises, think of the consequences.” ~ Confucius