I spent many years denying the fact that my son had a serious disease. He was the victim. I thought that an easy solution was that he just needed to stay away from the other people who were using. I fought this disease with my whole body, soul, emotional and spiritual being. I cried and I became angry. I was frustrated, disappointed and a total emotional wreck. My whole life revolved around my son. I followed him around and I gave him money time and time again for everything but drugs. I answered his calls for help, picked him up in the middle of the night, and gave him rides to get drugs. He would get out of jail and I would pick him up because I knew how to enable. Then the cycle would start all over again. No job, things disappearing from the house, me asking him which one of his friends he was letting in while we were at work and who was taking our belongings. He was a money pit. I was under the impression that things were going to get better, because jail made an addict stop using so he would not have to go back. This, however, was my philosophy, not the addict’s.
My growth in Nar-Anon has been a slow process. I listened to the Steps and I heard that I am powerless, but I did not hear that my life was unmanageable. I could still be in control. Step Two suggested a belief in a Power greater than myself, but I still felt my help was needed. Step Three said that I could turn my will over to my Higher Power. I thought if He could make the addict get clean, then I would have serenity.
I am grateful today for the Nar-Anon members who listened to me, who shared with me and taught me who was really in control and who needed to change for me to have peace and serenity. Now, I know that there is life after addiction. I know that in order to learn a lesson, I have to go through my situations, not around them. Today I think before I react. My son is still an addict. He is spending most of his time in prison, but in spite of this, I now have my life back.
Thought for Today: I want to love the addict and support him, but let him discover his own path. Today, I trust my Higher Power to lead me on my own path of peace of mind and serenity.
“If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” ~ Frank A. Clark