Over the last week or so, the addict had been saying that she really meant it this time when she stated that she was ready to go into a rehab program. There were signs that she meant it. I told her to make some calls. To my surprise, she did. In the past, I would be over the moon with joy and I would be up all night with questions in my mind. Is she going to make the calls? Will she go in when they say to come in? Will she complete the program or stay only a day or so? I remember the last two times the addict agreed to go into a rehab program, I was full of hope and joy and anticipation. When she left before finishing, I became upset. I was so disappointed that my anger took control of my being. I was sick for weeks and emotionally distraught because she was not doing what I knew was best for her.
However, this time is different because I have learned the beauty of living my life one day at a time. I have also come to realize that my desires for my daughter are just desires. The message of Nar-Anon teaches me that I do not have control over the addict. I should not expect her to seek help and I should not have any expectations. I can only hope she will seek recovery, but I no longer expect it. I will not be distraught. I will not get emotionally and physically sick. I have learned that I must think of myself first and not let her addiction destroy me.
Thought for Today: With the tools of Nar-Anon, I know that I can resist expectations and have hope. I realize the strength that I now have comes directly from my Higher Power. It is with gratitude that I acknowledge the source of my strength.
“When others, especially our children, deal with life differently than we would, or have stressful situations to face, we can respect them by assuming they have everything they need to handle that situation.” ~ Anne Wilson Schaef