At my first Nar-Anon meeting, people referred to “detachment.” I remember how foreign that word sounded to me. I remember thinking, “How do I do that?” I left the meeting knowing that I definitely needed to find out more about detachment. I was convinced it could be the answer I had been looking for!
I began to read about detachment. At first, it sounded harsh. I am supposed to let her take care of herself. Just let the addict fall on her face? She needed me so desperately, how could I just stop, and let her take care of her own problems. She will surely crash! How can I do this? All of these panic questions popped into my head.
Now I see that I was just as sick as she was. My sickness was helping her and living for her, while I was neglecting my own life in all her drama. I was not helping her; I was stopping her from seeing there was a problem and trying to fix it on her own. I was playing God trying to bring about the outcome I wanted, not necessarily what she needed.
Since then, I have learned to detach, and I am living a much calmer existence. I tell myself daily to not get plugged into her drama. I have set some boundaries and she is responding to them. She is still in denial that there is a drug problem, but I have hope she will some day see. It is not my responsibility to play God with another’s life.
Thought for Today: The addict has to take care of his or her own life struggles, as we have to take care of our own lives. They may not see there is a problem if they never have to experience it. It is my responsibility to take care of me and my life. By detaching, I can allow this to happen with love.
“Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.” ~ Elbert Hubbard