There is a saying, in German, “denn wir haben eine Krise der Verzweiflung erreicht” – for we have reached a crisis of desperation. When I read this the other day, I thought of my life before I started attending Nar-Anon. The desperation that had consumed my being was a crisis. I wanted to change the addict’s destructive behavior and tried every trick in the book – anger, belittlement, and manipulation. None of them worked. When I would look for the addict on the streets and did find her, I would be sick. When I thought about her, I would be sick. For the longest time, I was always feeling a crisis of desperation. Today, while I still long for the addict’s healing, I have come to understand that the crisis that I was feeling was of my own doing. I was letting my thoughts of fear and doubt consume me. When I see the addict today, I still ache for her healing and I do urge her, as Nar-Anon teaches me, to get some help. On the other hand, I realize that my urging her will not make her change. For me, this is one of the differences between then and now. Now, I believe that I never cease requiring help to prevent my self-destruction. Nar-Anon is the source of that help. It has brought me back to the realization that I need to turn all of this over to my Higher Power. I find myself asking for my Higher Power’s help more often now, in all aspects of my life. I need guidance in this trial that I am facing. In the past, I envied the families of addicts who were seeking help and getting better. Today I do not envy them. Today I realize that although the addict is getting better, there are different problems they may face – a different crisis of desperation.
Thought for Today: I believe that, at the end of the day, I will be a better person because of my experiences. True wisdom comes from the overcoming of suffering and pain. All true wisdom is therefore touched with sadness.
“Practicing silence means making a commitment to take a certain amount of time to simply be.” ~ Deepak Chopra