When I came to my first Nar-Anon meeting, I was overcome with pain and anger. I blamed the addict for my weight gain, but mostly I blamed him because I was unhappy. I knew I was not in the wrong, and I felt that what I said and did had nothing to do with my unhappiness.
I realized there was something terribly wrong and I did not want to go on living this way. I felt like running away from this awful life I led: being uncomfortable in my own home, being such a bitchy and ugly person, having this terrible heavy secret that my life was miserable, feeling such over-powering eternal guilt, and blaming myself for my son’s drug use. I had to admit the unmanageability of my life.
When we went to family counseling, our counselor pointed her finger at me as the one who took care of and controlled our family. I was indignant, hurt and humiliated. How could she think I was the one who was to blame?
By attending Nar-Anon meetings, I learned what that counselor was trying to tell me. I began to get help in changing myself. Working the steps with a sponsor made me realize that I probably was as insane as the addict was. What an awakening!
Thought for Today: In Nar-Anon, I can look at myself, recognize my defects and work on them each day. I can let go today, realizing that my life is mine, and the addict’s life is his. Today I can take care of myself and still be supportive of others, one day at a time.
“It is hardly possible to build anything if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail.” ~ Lech Walesa