Boundaries are frequently discussed at meetings. I do not know if I have ever enforced my boundaries. I have tried by saying what I would not allow, but then, many times, I gave in and allowed the addict to disregard the limits I set.
Now, with time, distance and a lot of prayer, I feel that when my son returns home I will be able to set my boundaries and keep them. There will be behaviors and activities that will not be allowed in my home. I will tell him calmly what I will and will not accept in order for him to be welcome there.
In the Nar-Anon program, I am learning that I cannot change another person. The only person I can change is me. When I think back on all of the attempts I made to change the addict’s behavior, I see that nothing worked. It may have lasted for a few days, but it was never permanent. In order for boundaries to work, they must be kept.
I have found that prayer and reading of Nar-Anon literature has helped me to focus on my behavior and needs. Sometimes l think having the courage to accept the things I cannot change is difficult, but the reality is, I cannot change the addict. Once I can get to that place of acceptance, there is a sense of calmness. This is where I believe I need to be before I can set meaningful boundaries.
Thought for Today: I will not worry so much about someone else’s behavior but will focus on my own.
“He that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce.” ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow