It is easy for me to blame the addicts in my life for all my problems; but blaming them does not improve my situation, and it certainly does not improve theirs. In fact, focusing on the addicts’ problems, shortcomings, and behaviors allows me to avoid looking at my own, and prevents me from being a healthier and happier person.
When I put the focus on me, I can make choices that allow me to improve my life. I can say no when the addicts ask for money or my car. I can refuse to participate in a circular argument, by leaving the house. I can stop arguing and call my sponsor. I can even let the addicts have the right to their own opinions. I do not have to pay for collect calls from jail or for attorneys’ fees. I do not have to get involved in any rescue missions. I can let the addicts suffer the consequences of their actions.
I do not even need to blame myself. I can forgive myself for past mistakes and do the best that I can just for today. The Nar-Anon program teaches me that I do not need to be perfect. It is a program of progress not perfection.
Thought for Today: Blaming others, including myself, is not progress; it keeps me stuck. When I am blaming, I am not growing and my recovery suffers.
“There are really only two ways to approach life — as victim or as gallant fighter — and you must decide if you want to act or react, deal your own cards or play with a stacked deck. And if you don’t decide which way to play with life, it always plays with you.” ~ Merle Shain