Since I am not able to think like an addict, my first instinct is to react to their attitudes and choices with anger, fear and frustration. This keeps my focus on other people and other people’s problems, not on my own. I, of course, have no problems, because I am not an addict. I am the one with all the answers. I am the one with all the strength. I can control any situation. I can get others out of any problem they may face. I can relate this behavior to leaking pipes. I am able to put some tape on the first few leaks, but when I run out of tape, I cover them with anything I can get my hands on. I try to hold all the leaks in until they are bursting out of control. I cannot spread myself thin enough to cover them all up. Now, when I find myself knee-deep in water, I have to give up and admit that there is a problem that I cannot fix. This is when I came to Nar-Anon. I came to the program not knowing what to expect, but I knew that I had no idea what to do next. I needed direction. I came with my self-righteous attitude that I could fix anything. I came with all my baggage and habits and techniques that I was sure would work for any situation. I learned that I was living in chaos, and thriving on a way of life that helped me survive the effects of a loved one’s addiction.
Thought for Today: In Nar-Anon, I find ways not merely to survive but to live.
“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” ~ André Gide