I was a person whose life revolved around the addict. It was, I thought, my job to anticipate what he wanted and needed, and to give it to him – no matter the cost. I would have sacrificed anything for him. I would have even chosen him over my children. Certainly, I sacrificed myself for his every whim and problem. This was especially true when I stepped in to save him from the consequences of his drug use. I waited up at night, unable to sleep. I feared for his life when the runs lasted for days. I called hospitals and even police stations looking for him so I could find relief in knowing he was okay. I was one of those “We have a court date” people. Part of me did not even understand that only his name was on the court’s docket, not mine. My obsession was his happiness and well-being. He had become my world. In Nar-Anon, I have slowly learned to put the focus back on me, one step at a time. First, I had to learn (it took practice) to take the focus off him. I had to learn to put the focus somewhere else as I could not yet put the focus on myself. Therefore, I started by focusing more attention on my children who needed it, on Nar-Anon service work, on my elderly grandfather, ailing mother, and on my work. That enabled me to slowly take my focus off the addict. I used the slogans: “Easy Does It,” “Keep it Simple,” “Think,” “How Important Is It?” and “One Day at a Time.” These slogans guided me in this long difficult process of turning from the distraction of obsession to facing reality. It was only after I was free from my obsession that I could begin to focus on me and begin my own transformation to a happier and healthier person.
Thought for Today: Obsession leaves as we practice using all of the tools of the program, and change the focus to ourselves.
“If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid an immense confusion?” ~ Seng-Ts‘an