Before I came to the Nar-Anon Family Groups program, I had lost the ability to make a personal decision. I could not tell you what kind of food I wanted to eat or which movie I wanted to see. When asked what I wanted, I could only respond with an “I don’t know, what do you want?” Making decisions that affected my life was not safe for me – neither in childhood nor during two decades of living with the progressive disease of addiction. What if others did not like my choice? What if I made the wrong decision? What if my decision was not the decision the other person wanted from me? What would happen next? Would I be yelled at, put down, threatened, or hit? As I recover in the Nar-Anon program, I am remembering who I am. As I get reacquainted with myself, I have decided to keep some parts of myself that I had before twenty years of living with active addiction. I have decided to add some new traits to myself that I saw and liked in others in the program. In Nar-Anon meetings, I am learning how others have changed their lives and I am attempting similar changes. Now, I listen to suggestions from other members, but am able to make my own decisions. This eliminates my perceived threat of being scorned or ridiculed for my choices. As I work the Nar-Anon Twelve Steps with the help of my sponsor, meetings, program literature and service, I get to know myself better and get stronger in making decisions for myself. Now that I am learning how to make decisions, I have been able to decide to turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power who I know I can trust.
Thought for Today: I am grateful for the Nar-Anon program; it has helped me know myself and has given me the confidence I need to make decisions.
“Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson