When I was young, I thought I had a lot of faith, but after the years of living with an addict, my faith seemed to disappear. How could so many heartrending events happen to such a good person? I volunteered at my church and visited my mother regularly. Could not the God of my youth see all the good, charitable things I was doing? It took some time before I realized the part I had played in all of this, and that my lack of connection with my Higher Power was a big part of it. Even after my spouse’s first incarceration, I had faith that our life would get better. However, after years of living with active addiction, survival became the new order of the day. I learned to read his irrational behavior and then adjust my own behavior accordingly. I took to sleeping with my purse and car keys in my pillow, crying myself to sleep. I no longer believed that the protection I wanted was available to me. I became disillusioned by my youthful faith that I thought was a result of my good works. Today in Nar-Anon, I am learning that faith is a trust in a Power greater than I am that can restore me to sanity.
Thought for Today: Today I have a spiritual relationship with a Power greater than myself. I know that only daily contact with this Higher Power can see me through. I have faith that this Power is available and willing to guide me in all my decisions. I have a bookmark that reads, “I do not know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.”I now believe this.
“Nar-Anon is not a religious program, but a spiritual way of life.” ~ Nar-Anon Blue Booklet