My son has been clean for four months and is faithfully going to NA meetings several times a week. Earlier in the week, he was trying to stop one of his friends from using. I thought about the times that I had tried to do the same thing with my son during his active addiction. This week he got a small taste of what I had been going through. We had a nice chat about this experience of being the friend of someone in active addiction. I shared with him two thoughts I heard from a Nar-Anon member.
The first one is “by keeping one foot in the past, and one foot in the future, you are pissing on today.” Every time something did or did not happen, this is what I did. Now I try not to think about the past and what happened or how I felt. Nor do I think about what is going to happen. I try to think about myself today.
The other saying I love and apply is “Don’t do something for someone that they can do for themselves.” This has helped me greatly in dealing with the addict. I was consistently doing things for him to make sure no one would know about his active addiction or would talk badly about him or look down on him. I have learned to step back and let the addict take care of himself and to deal with the consequences of his actions.
Thought for Today: When I attend Nar-Anon meetings, I have the opportunity to learn a better way to live. I can take what I like and leave the rest – just for today. I also know that the addict can do the same.
“We are not what we know but what we are willing to learn.” ~ Mary Catherine Bateson